Childhood Room

Childhood

Taught me to look away

Somewhere else

Somewhere else must be safe.

Who understands

Where can I go

My tears fall

And I trip in the puddle.

Folded arms

Silent treatment

Cliché responses

Impossible or empty promises

Oh.

//

And I dare not scream at the sky

God you’re working but I prefer to see results with my eyes

Big differences between humans and you

Still the sting of my childhood makes me aloof.

//

Punishment is scary

Not as bad as silence

Or my feelings of a terrible performance.

Am I good enough to have your love

If lax in my devotion will you pack your affections up

Now you’ve already proven yourself many times throughout my life

Still I’m not sure and God I KNOW SUCH THINKING ISN’T RIGHT.

I keep seeing you with folded arms

Indifferent while I spiritually starve

Yes I know I know it’s all my fault and I can’t shake these lies

My childhood still stings and I’m a middle aged man surely I should be over such things

I’m unworthy to even speak and I puff out my chest but inside I’m the weakest weak

Oh.

//

Childhood

Taught me to look away

Taught me feeling safe isn’t safe.

Childhood

Taught me to hate myself

Taught my voice doesn’t matter

Oh God but prayer and belief are valuable keys and the enemy says it’s all empty

I know better but still can’t shake all of my letters aren’t well received

But it isn’t true yeah Jesus who will I listen to? You or the liar?

Remember when I was crying in the rain? Walking home feeling alone and in pain? You came to me.

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