A Martha man
Worried and upset about many things
Seeking control, it doesn’t belong to me,
I’ll be fine if I can organize every second
Secure if I can control everything in my life,
Shadows, rain, death, pain, unforeseen weather, variables attack together
And God, some days I’m expecting your signature on an itinerary delivered promptly when I wake, twists and turns make my hands shake.
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So many, so many ways to fail
I’m afraid I’ll fall straight into Hell
I’ve always fell short in everything that matters
The only constant in my life is, failure,
Am I lazy? Super shady plain crazy?
Rebellious daily? Deceiving myself? Mind hazy from foolishness?
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Hurt, scatter–brained, in the wilderness with broken eyes, rock hard heart and closed ears, Jesus, will I be found worthy when you appear?
I need to love. I need to listen. I don’t know anything or where to go. I’m not stranded but emotions lie saying it is so
You can do anything and everything but still, I’m a great fool, I’ll slip out of secure places effortlessly, then ask what happened
Will you remain? Remove shame. Scrub away my fears I’ll incur your wrath, deserved indignation.
RawEmotionDough 