A Martha man
Worried and upset about many things
Seeking control, it doesn’t belong to me,
I’ll be fine if I can organize every second
Secure if I can control everything in my life,
Shadows, rain, death, pain, unforeseen weather, variables attack together
And God, some days I’m expecting your signature on an itinerary delivered promptly when I wake, twists and turns make my hands shake.
So many, so many ways to fail
I’m afraid I’ll fall straight into Hell
I’ve always fell short in everything that matters
The only constant in my life is, failure,
Am I lazy? Super shady plain crazy?
Rebellious daily? Deceiving myself? Mind hazy from foolishness?
Hurt, scatter–brained, in the wilderness with broken eyes, rock hard heart and closed ears, Jesus, will I be found worthy when you appear?
I need to love. I need to listen. I don’t know anything or where to go. I’m not stranded but emotions lie saying it is so
You can do anything and everything but still, I’m a great fool, I’ll slip out of secure places effortlessly, then ask what happened
Will you remain? Remove shame. Scrub away my fears I’ll incur your wrath, deserved indignation.