Edmond Martha

A Martha man

Worried and upset about many things

Seeking control, it doesn’t belong to me,

I’ll be fine if I can organize every second

Secure if I can control everything in my life,

Shadows, rain, death, pain, unforeseen weather, variables attack together

And God, some days I’m expecting your signature on an itinerary delivered promptly when I wake, twists and turns make my hands shake.

*

So many, so many ways to fail

I’m afraid I’ll fall straight into Hell

I’ve always fell short in everything that matters

The only constant in my life is, failure,

Am I lazy? Super shady plain crazy?

Rebellious daily? Deceiving myself? Mind hazy from foolishness?

*

Hurt, scatterbrained, in the wilderness with broken eyes, rock hard heart and closed ears, Jesus, will I be found worthy when you appear?

I need to love. I need to listen. I don’t know anything or where to go. I’m not stranded but emotions lie saying it is so

You can do anything and everything but still, I’m a great fool, I’ll slip out of secure places effortlessly, then ask what happened

Will you remain? Remove shame. Scrub away my fears I’ll incur your wrath, deserved indignation.

Captured in my thoughts on the Blue Ridge Parkway.

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