Being Played Or Why Are We Playing?

Dear Starla,

*Hey! Please Remember you agreed to read my first drafts no matter how painful they sound. First drafts aren’t our last drafts remember? Thanks.*

Talking right or wrong using red ink, making notes, bending is okay for you, see the damages done to me?

My life on hold because of obligations created from a good place running on bad management, can’t mention my name out loud but can run some game dangling a carrot, for you I’m weak.

Slamming our front door twice, goodbye, then saying maybe you’ll be around,keep everyone else outside.

I submit. I’m weak.

I’d battle anyone and anything to be yours meanwhile I’m getting brick walls, laughing gas pumped in my heart, being kicked in the ass, punched in black balls extremely fast

Backwards shit and I get the got, I’m good for a good time but not for a lifetime of shared bedtimes, I’m lowering my worth, soul doesn’t shine.

*Short uncomfortable pause without any sounds*

Always more complicated, but don’t you think what you’ve been saying is bittersweet, I told you numerous times I’d fall at your feet.

Arriving support temporarily bound, because I’m locked on reappearing disappearing act, cut me up punished heart cracked, unintentional but nevertheless twisted teases, confusion added, mind diseases.

Another future, maybe in the future, like that’s how this works, misinformed, breaking away from good intentions but no action, talking big, crushing respect like a chaotic good monster undercover.

Feeling bad doesn’t mean anything when you’re still stabbing see somebody shout saving scriptures supporting swift salvation.

I deserve better than pretty talk, better than I would if I could, I can, it will be a lot work so sorry man, possible actions of another man unapproving or…

*For a second, a short glimpse, foul balls look like beautiful home runs at first.*

Been questioning my zero defense policy regarding your bidding, hook in my mouth, again with the Radiohead weird fishes and worms devouring connection, connexion.

Playing and I’m losing, free game to player one, player two screwed chewed spit out up, bruised, hope retracted, lessons learned, demolitions need to happen even on pretty bridges or worlds overturned.

Here I go again. I’m weak.

*Repeat times three when speaking it out loud so the listener can “hear” the cycle*

What are you thinking about after reading this?

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