Losses Gains Hold

Better than yesterday

Sometimes all I can do is be happy I’m still alive.



Right before breaking free

So much behind every choice and variable emotions

Just glad I’m still fighting here.


Gun in hand

Knife to wrist

Pills lined up

Had to save myself from leaving before mission end

Before leaving potential survivors stranded

What about me?


Better than yesterday

I’ll take it

I’ll take it.


Moments away from forfeit

Seconds away from spilling my life over shower walls

Now I’m better than yesterday today

I’ll take it

Better than seeing my body limp

Imagined many many times

Cuts with scares in tears when they arrive

Sick satisfaction seeing my blood find drains

I’m not insane

Loving y’all hurts too much

But I’ll take it

Rather love than numbness

Took thirty nine years but I’m focused

I’ll take it.

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