Layman Down

When they use excuses, acceptance is automatic

But for I, eyes and ears closed.

Imagine sunlight, disrupting suicidal thoughts effectively

Instead I receive, howls and soft whispers when I’m awake.

An actor with an ever-changing script

They say I’m loved, it’s bullshit

I play dumb for everyone

Sadly I’m not fooling my wrists or myself.

*

I’ve tried and I try, outside I lie while inside funerals thrive

Used and abused by people I’ve trusted, they laugh and talk shit I’m supposed to smile and say that was a good one friend.

+

Hang on in there so we can suck life from you again,

Hang on in there friend, hang in there buddy

We’re not done until we get every drop of blood, life.

*

Secretly, cutting reminders of pain and regrets

Secretly, getting an erection from the thought of checking out

Secretly, aware I’ve reached the end of my usefulness

Secretly, I don’t want to die but I’m already dead so… why not?

Oh, YOU care?

Just from way over there, oh you care behind pearly gates

Meanwhile, I’m burning alive in death, but at least I know you care.

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